When I first wrote the headline, I wanted to puke. Like yeah right Kayla, here goes another title that is so generic - I feel like I’ve seen it used so many times before. And I am honestly sure you have, but bare with me…
This blog article is going to be a compilation of everything I have ever learned in my 1477.5 days. I have been an entrepreneur / online marketer / self love junkie / confidence coach / and an achiever of many of my life’s desires.
I am going to share with you the same fundamentals I have used to cut through the bullshit we feed ourselves, to remove the emotional trigger on the stories we let run wild in our heads, and how to live a peaceful lifestyle.
I will go in depth on how I built a strong foundation with my mindset, leveraging the one of many skills it will take to have in hitting the next level by providing personal practices for you to go through yourself.
And I will also share with you how to redefine your life, by showing you exactly how I realigned with my purpose by setting clear goals and desires for your future - even the "future" that’s just a couple weeks away!
This article isn’t going to sugar coat anything, though I may come off as a really sweet person. Don’t get me wrong - I am, but you can expect the truth to be told from me either way.
As a podcast host, I get asked a lot by my co-hosts, "well Kayla how far back in the story do you want me to go?” when first starting our conversation… and that’s quite like how I feel right now. Like how far back should I go with you? I guess we will start where I first initially recognized something was “wrong” with me.
The term “wrong” could be used in many ways, but here I am using it to explain exactly how I felt. To me, there felt like something inside of me was different - I didn’t quite fit in, my opinions weren’t as understood, and I ultimately didn’t feel that sense of belonging many of my peers around me felt.
It stems back all the way back to elementary school, throughout many stages of my life, but it made its real first impact on me freshman year of high school. I was the new girl in town, and this town was so different from where I had came from.
Imagine going from Los Angeles - Sunny, Busy, Materialistic California to Tim-Buck-Two Nevada (the city of Pahrump to be exact) as a 14 year old girl… That was my first experience of “culture shock.”
But it wasn’t all bad. And that’s really a small piece of the whole puzzle that fueled this need to feel confident, be accepted, and feel loved.
If we are being truthful with one another, my life was never “well-balanced.” It was always one extreme to the next, finding it hard to know where any middle ground was.
From stressed out with my studies, high school sports, and a job as a grocery clerk - to maxed out with the drama at home, it didn’t seem like I had any kind of routine, let alone flow to my lifestyle… And I wasn’t even an adult yet.
Chaos seemed to be my middle name, and it was only going to lead me down a path of self harm, and lack of personal respect for myself and the way I wanted to live my life…
Sound familiar? Stick with me if so…
Over the course of the last 10 years being out of any kind of schooling, my lifestyle hadn’t seen much change.
I lacked confidence in myself in many ways, and I lived each day treating my body with no respect, and expecting it to constantly preform at the highest levels.
If I messed up, made any kind of mistake - I was my own worst enemy. Honestly, no one really needed to even say anything to me about it, because they knew I would be hard enough on myself for it!
It was as if everything had to be within my control, otherwise utter chaos could potentially happen and for me, well that just wasn’t a realistic possibility.
From the outside looking in, I have always appeared put together. "Lucky” as some would even term it, but from the inside, I was a fire fueled by fear, and driven by pain.
I WANTED to seem perfect, but in reality I was dying for balance, and starving for inner peace.
…like many of us are.
What’s even worse, like many of us do, I thought that changing careers - leaving relationships and friendships behind would make me happier, feel more aligned in my life, but it never did.
Because what I was trying to fix - wasn’t in my environment, or the beings around me.
No, the problem was from within. Inside of me, and no matter what I changed on the outside, it wouldn’t ever give me the sense of fulfillment I was searching for.
So how did I go from what I’d term back then as a total train-wreck, (my husband says I have a thing for being dramatic…) who craved self love, and longed for balance…
To becoming a powerhouse, confident boss babe who generates multiple 6 figures a year, personally coaches hundreds of women to love themselves more, and is now her own best friend?
I like to call it, the Core4. Four areas of the Self, that when putting attention towards these different areas of our lives, we can massively transform our current situation and limiting belief patterns.
Below you will find the Core4 outline on how to become your most confident, well-balanced self. The Core4 challenges are broken up into 4 areas of the Self, each with their own personal self care practices to complete.
Each step will be specific to that area of your life, and when beginning each practice, it’s important to remember why you are doing this work - and what the outcome you want to be from it all.
When desiring to level up in our life, to love ourselves more, and to live with more balance… Being selfish is a requirement and having boundaries is crucial.
Making the decision to put yourself, and your needs first will be the foundation you build upon, so it’s crucial in taking seriously.
When you’re ready to become your most confident, well-balanced self, lets begin discussing Step #1…
#1 - Creating Confidence
We all want to be more confident, to walk into a room and own who we are and embrace the connections around us because of this magnetic feeling…
But the question for most of us ladies has always been, HOW do I become more confident? How do I FEEL confidence without constant nagging thoughts of self doubt?
If you would have asked me this question a few years back, I would have told you the same thing that many other would - just pretend you are, until you know you are!
…but does that really solve the problem? Let alone make us believe it really is possible for us to embody? Likely not.
That is why I want to share with you something a mentor of mine shared with me at a live event training that really hit home for me. He said something along the lines of, “Confidence is just the image we portray when we have the training or experience someone else may lack”
From my understanding, I took that as “being confident” isn’t what I had always been seeking, it was the experience - the understanding, the training, the ability to do what needed to be done to achieve what I wanted.
So although confidence is the external trait that I think he’s right we see, “the image” but it’s not what confidence actually is… And I think it’s why so many of us struggling, for years, in how to find it.
Because it comes from facing your fear. From learning the unlearned. To trying something completely new and being okay with being a beginner at it.
…and some of us never face those fears, push those boundaries, and break through the self doubt we can feel.
Don’t let that be you sister.
Own that as your reality now. You will start to feel confident when you do “the thing.”
Below you will find an outline template to use and fill in for yourself. This will help you redefine what it is that lights you up, what your values are, how you want to serve and find a clear path of creating the confidence in yourself you’ve always wanted.
Hello, my name is…
I am a….
I envision myself as someone who…
I am happiest when…
My dream place to adventure or travel to…
My biggest fear is…
Failure to me is…
My last meal would be…
I always crave…
I light up when…
Few people know that…
My dream life includes…
and a lot of…
My purpose is to…
My why is…
I want to be remembered for…
I want to feel…
People describe me as…
My truth I am declaring is…
The limiting beliefs I want to release are…
Soon I will celebrate…
(if you are interested in joining my Core4 ‘Confidence Creator’ 30 day challenge - join HERE) (https://kaylamdelargy.com/confidence-creator-challenge)
#2 - Accepting Body Image
Now that you understand how to develop and strengthen your levels of confidence in any specific area, what I believe follows in creating absolute balance within your life is accepting your body’s image, and incorporating self-love practices to embrace all of your perfect imperfections.
How many times have you looked in the mirror, displeased with the reflection looking back at you?
…there’s too much overhang here…
…I’m a little too curvy there…
…my nose is too big…
…my lips are too thin, plump or colorless
…my hair is ugly, stringy, or out of control…
…I don’t look good in jeans…
…I cannot show my thick, cellulite legs…
I mean, the list goes on. And in most cases the longer we look, the worst the comments and feelings about ourselves get.
But what if it didn’t have to be that way?
What if you could look in the mirror, despite all the things you’d change, and still love yourself just as you are anyways… Would you believe it possible?
Accepting and loving ones body image is not an easy practice, let alone something that can just happen over night or within a few weeks. Loving the skin you’re in takes constant effort, and continuous reminders to yourself that you are perfect - just the way you are.
Don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t mean we cannot want better for ourselves. Like losing weight, building muscle, getting lean and so on. What matters is the reasoning behind WHY we are doing it.
…this is where being 100% upfront with yourself comes in.
When increasing body confidence and self-acceptance, ask yourself questions in the mirror like :
- What are 3 things you’re grateful your body has been able to do?
- When you think about your body, what is the first 3 words that come to mind without any judgement or criticism?
Think about… 5 things you love about your body?
Tell yourself… Something nice about your least favorite part of your body!
As you remind yourself each day of those answers above, you will slowly begin to reprogram how you think about yourself because the reflection of how you see yourself has changed.
And sister, give yourself a hug! Every single day.
If you find yourself struggling throughout your day with negative self talk, tell yourself these 3 body-love affirmations to shift your focus :
“I am noticing more balance and beauty in my reflection”
“My body is a precious gift”
“I honor my body of its importance and am in the process of loving my body even more.”
Or if you create an affirmation you feel more aligned to, feel free to use that one as well.
(if you are interested in joining my Core4 ‘Body Boost’ 30 day at-home workout challenge - join HERE) (https://kaylamdelargy.com/body-boost-challenge)
#3 - Cleanse & Release
You’ve reached your half way mark sister! It’s time to cleanse and release all that is no longer serving you to become your most confident, well-balanced self.
This piece of the puzzle goes deeper than just the exterior, it’s important in this step to flush your entire system and start your new confident, well-balanced lifestyle on a clean slate.
See our bodies are designed to be in a constant state of cleansing but in many cases over time we harbor painful emotions, create negative habits and resist finding the root cause to many of our personal work-life balance struggles. Which can make it extremely hard to be an energetic match for all that you desire when you are operating by the same habitual patterns that got you to where you are today…
So it’s time to rid yourself of harsh toxins that overtime can cause short-term and long-term negative affects on your health, mind, body and soul.
There are two steps to this process, 1 — detoxing your internal system, 2 — burn letter ceremony to release external blocks & beliefs.
Inside the Water Wise challenge, you will go through 30 days of cleansing your system, increasing your water, mineral and vitamin intake, and using impactful practices to break through limiting beliefs.
To internally prepare yourself for this cleanse, start asking questions like :
- Where was I at 12 months ago? Physically, mentally, emotionally?
- Where do I want to see myself in the next 30 days?
- What do I want to be different in my life, work and personal care routine in the next 6 months?
- What limiting beliefs are holding me back?
- Who’s beliefs are they? Mine or ones I picked up from pain and experiences over the years…
To physically prepare yourself for this cleanse, start doing things like :
- Drinking more water every day to cleanse your system naturally
- Avoid eating and drinking things with chemical substances, artificial colors and flavors, and other genetically modified foods by reading labels as it can have dangerous affects on your body, mood and well-being
- Choose to find homeopathic solutions when dealing with minor mood swings, heightened stress levels, and negative thoughts verse going straight to medication and chemical compounds
- Journal more often. Get those thoughts, fears, emotions, stressors, misunderstandings down on paper and out of your mind
At the end of the challenge, there will be a burn letter ceremony to truly release all of these emotions, blocks, limiting beliefs, and even fears around what was.
This letter of release is meant to be the cold, honest truth about what you are ready to separate yourself from… What are you ready to leave in the past to step into the person you know you are meant to become?
Write it, read it aloud to yourself, and then burn it.
As you watch the flames turn your words into ash, apply that same image to your insecurities, bad habits, painful memories, dreaded experiences and so on…
Let it go.
(if you are interested in joining my Core4 ‘Water Wise’ 30 day detox challenge - join HERE) (https://kaylamdelargy.com/water-wise-challenge)
#4 - Nourishment for the Soul
(setting goals / create vision for next 6 months)
You’ve made it to the final chapter sister before you begin your new book as a completely different author. You are that much closer to being the confident, well-balanced woman you’ve always dreamed of becoming.
Now that you’ve developed a strong foundation of confidence to build off of, you have accepted the skin you’re in and all the amazingness you have to offer, it’s time to nourish your soul and replenish all that was lost.
Within the Easy Eating challenge, you will be dipping your toes into what it's like to live a well-balanced, healthy lifestyle, starting first and most importantly with your daily nutritional habits!
Eating healthy, and eating clean for that matter doesn't have to be hard, let alone expensive. Just like maintaining a healthy diet also doesn't mean that you need to use worksheets, calculators or constantly be counting macros to hit your desired wellness goal.
Clean eating, and living a healthy, well-balanced lifestyle is a way of life. Grounded in the notion that what we eat should contain all kinds of foods - grains, meats, vegetables, fruits etc and that your foods are as close to possible as their natural, unaltered state. Not from a mixture of processed, artificially colored / flavored chemical-based substances and food.
Remember, you are starting from a clean slate. You are a completely new person now, filled with joy, self-love, and confidence in where she is headed. But to keep this positive-new-you, you need to maintain a healthy, well-balanced lifestyle.
And that starts with giving yourself the nutrients, minerals, and all of the vitamins your body needs to perform at it’s best!
(if you are interested in joining my Core4 ‘Easy Eating’ 30 days to clean eating challenge - join HERE) (https://kaylamdelargy.com/easy-eating-challenge)
As a quick recap on how to become your most confident, well-balanced self, I believe it beings and ends with these 4 areas of the Self…
- Creating Confidence
- Accepting & loving your body image
- Cleansing your internal and external system
- Replenishing your soul
Through practice, patience, and time there is no doubt in my mind you can become the powerful, successful, lovable woman you know deep down you’re meant to be. She just has to be worth it enough to you to embrace the changes, and let go of what was.
Creating balance in your lifestyle doesn’t have to be hard, but it can be if you continue to let things go. As you and I both know, things only get worse and the only way out - is through.
I believe in you sister! I hope through this blog article you have found some belief in yourself too.
If you are interested in joining any or all of my Core4 challenges, you can access more details on my website HERE. (https://kaylamdelargy.com/the-core4)
Until another article…